I tremble at the thought of writing tonight,
As much as I trembled when I had to meet you
For the very first time.
Adorned by the night now,
Adorned with pearls then,
I hoped to see a queen in your eyes
Unmatched for the ones in all the heavens you sought for.
Or a simple lover forever, if not?
(For there is a sad ballad
I will carry with me to my grave tonight.)
You left me wordless,
And returned back like the escapist
Vanishing acts from the betrothed’s room
Into a one-time paramour’s heart.
You left me with the memory of a string of
I now have to comb and pluck out of falling fragments of reminisces
Frail as the dreams I once built.
Travelling through random air signals
Were the letters of our
And when your shadow almost slipped away again
From my vacant hearth,
I begged, I clung,
I loved, I stayed.
I whispered the voice of the woman you wanted,
Into your ears that were never there,
Making love with that thin ghost of your
Sad, vapid voice,
While listening to the other ghost in my house
Remaining sleepless through your sane remorses
And acidic hallucinations,
Like the faithful concubine
I hoped I would be.
For you, someday.
I dug into your tomb of decrepit again,
And there you are lying in the arms of yet another nymph
Time and time again.
With nothing to gain,
But the benefit of pain.
Oh what a joke of a rhyme
Your story has become, this time!
Rolling like a dog in the ecstasy of all that you thought would be yours.
And lulling back to sleep, with tears streaming from illusions of
Something called home.
An impossible dream, my love!
Oh constant inmate of wary pleasures!
If only you did not consider me worthy of
Ignorance marauded by your lifeless silence.
We could have lived in that cave between the rocks,
With only the ocean,
A third of our kind.
To know what it is to dismantle only in love
And all shapes of it,
Yet another perfect vanishing act,
To the ground that we fed our prayers to,
Once upon a time.
Like the shipwreck lying fathoms below us
Rusting and rotting with and into nothing
But the belly of the sea,