I have had a very rough last few weeks. Just started off with a new job at a completely new place with lots to travelling to and fro from work and home. And I wouldn’t exactly be going ga-ga over my personal life, at the moment. My brains were all over the place and I was hurting people who genuinely loved me the most. I remember being a complete wreck last Sunday and reached the zenith of moments when I lost all my cool. In a way, it was a process of catharsis but it led to a lot of hurt and anguish that, unfortunately, I just couldn’t control, despite regular meditations.
I remember waking up the next morning, to a clear blue Monday sky. I got out of the bed, got my journal and pen, and penned down every single issue that has been bothering me ever since they started. And I could automatically feel the heavy iceberg in me slowly thawing away into a glacier of forgiveness. At the end of writing my journal, I took a resolve. That I will not my bruise my poor heart anymore. That I will treat my heart, my beating crystal of a beautiful heart with much more love and kindness and dignity, that she actually deserves. And from there on began my ability to be a lot more kinder to myself. And in the process, unto others.
I went out for a walk in the cold morning, the brilliant autumn sunshine wavering through the golden leaves, shimmering the green of the grass to make it appear gold- well technically, there was gold everywhere!
Autumn brings out every shade of gold, nature withheld in herself under the many guises of other colours of summer. Every colour of autumn, be it the bright yellow, the tarnished green, the burnt orange, the indifferent brown, the bright burgundy or even the sallow tawny of dried leaves, is a beautiful complement to the colour gold. It is as if, time wants to display her demise into the depth of another year, with a resplendent show.
My face was freezing and my hands nearly lost their sensations but I had never experienced so much happiness and release in a long while like then. I wrote a poem in honour of my day and made peace with myself. My life and its gains and losses- small and large.
I hope you like Single Magpie as much as I did writing it 🙂
I walked through miles of cold sunshine
The indignation of hitherto, waiting at its
The sun had not smiled yet at the frost in its
Thick white spread.
Yet the young green leaves shallow-ly bathed in the virgin waters of
Splinters of ray poked the peripheries of what I tried to see but couldn’t
Memories of bereft blood and memoirs of unknown laughters held me in my path in a
Yonder arose a red mist held up in the sky sewn together with threads of autumn berries
A manic splay.
A magpie, a single magpie, as ominous as me
Soared up with its proud breast, perched upon the highest bough of a discarded tree, it’s foliage
All of us in equal share, in this frame, of the ruthlessness of hope and tomorrows.
She charmed me, this little white breast messiah, with nothing, absolutely nothing.
Just by being there.
Loner bird, sat like a loner human
A queen in her stillness, a thinker of all sorts.
While I breathed in and earned my thought
Without a dime or two to spend.