Sunshine

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I touch not, the skin of God.

Soul of the child my womb bore.

Eyes doorways to heaven,

Laughter orchestrating the universe.

Thoughts, hand in hand, ours,

The heart that learned music from mine.

A thousand times over let me be ill

And deprived.

A thousand times over let me fake a smile or

Take one.

To give you the hope,

To give you a home.

 

 

Tulips

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The sun shined a brilliant blaze through my

Glass doors today,

Shifting this mind numbing daze built in the column of my living,

With aeons of flying shed dust

That refuse to sediment in the murky waters of time.

 

As if God stood as a guest in guise outside our humble hearth.

Tears of brilliance and reverence in my eyes.

Maybe there is some one I could love

Far and close, near and away.

 

It is winter with no blooms to cheer you

In my withering gardens,Sweetheart.

They are as gray and sullen

As this season after feasts and bygone goodbyes.

As I gave the last of my mirths to

Strangers of blood and not.

But there are songs of robins and sparrows and whatever of them,

Still care to sweeten my

Ember of a soul.

Singing in gratitude of nature and time

And better days to come by

Because ’tis a beautiful one.

Today.

 

Last night I withered through the storms with

A wayward bough hitting the windows and door,

Like a petrified orphan.

And I thought of those obstinate kisses

I once wished for as much as the

Embrace that would not let go off my

Ill, rebel of a being.

Maybe, before I move to a better loved home?

 

For now, I have, however, some rainbow tulips

In a vase waiting for a Lover’s gaze

To unfurl every petal and drench his

Thirst for youth, colour and all that can be used up and ruminated.

Like an abuse you spew out of your mouth in terrible heat

Of your heart.

 

Come if you may, to sit by the fire.

Tell me some stories of yours, ours, what ifs and

Those that can never be heard.

Hold my hand, as fragile as the skin above my veins.

Dont let it go off,

Not even in an absent thought.

Because I can

With all that I have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vanishing Acts

ocean

 

I tremble at the thought of writing tonight,

As much as I trembled when I had to meet you

For the very first time.

Adorned by the night now,

Adorned with pearls then,

I hoped to see a queen in your eyes

Unmatched for the ones in all the heavens you sought for.

Or a simple lover forever, if not?

 

(For there is a sad ballad

I will carry with me to my grave tonight.)

 

You left me wordless,

And returned back like the escapist

You are.

Vanishing acts from the betrothed’s room

Into a one-time paramour’s heart.

You left me with the memory of a string of

Desirous notes,

I now have to comb and pluck out of falling fragments of reminisces

Frail as the dreams I once built.

Travelling through random air signals

Were the letters of our

Unmet lust.

 

And when your shadow almost slipped away again

From my vacant hearth,

I begged, I clung,

I loved, I stayed.

I whispered the voice of the woman you wanted,

Into your ears that were never there,

To taste.

Making love with that thin ghost of your

Sad, vapid voice,

While listening to the other ghost in my house

Chew.

Remaining sleepless through your sane remorses

And acidic hallucinations,

Like the faithful concubine

I hoped I would be.

For you, someday.

 

 

I dug into your tomb of decrepit again,

And there you are lying in the arms of yet another nymph

Time and time again.

With nothing to gain,

But the benefit of pain.

Oh what a joke of a rhyme

Your story has become, this time!

Rolling like a dog in the ecstasy of all that you thought would be yours.

And lulling back to sleep, with tears streaming from illusions of

Something called home.

An impossible dream, my love!

 

Oh constant inmate of wary pleasures!

If only you did not consider me worthy of

Ignorance marauded by your lifeless silence.

We could have lived in that cave between the rocks,

With only the ocean,

A third of our kind.

To know what it is to dismantle only in love

And all shapes of it,

Slowly,

Yet another perfect vanishing act,

To the ground that we fed our prayers to,

Once upon a time.

Like the shipwreck lying fathoms below us

Rusting and rotting with and into nothing

But the belly of the sea,

So sublime.

 

 

 

Divine Retribution

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What is ignorance

But another face of arrogance,

Wisely chosen to believe in

Bliss.

By her.

 

Cantankerous cackles of a misfit

Over air borne signals,

To the only blood minimally worthy

Of trustworthy.

 

Of pompous cries of valour in the battlefield, she spoke,

If the arrow of extra meat ever found her.

Her tired jowl and

Always sad scowl sighed,

She could endure

The poison her lover drank

And walk the darkness through blindness with

No sticks and pities required.

 

Will she be forgiven by the deities

Of her tribe?

Will she be laughed at by the children

Of tomorrow

With tales of jibe?

Forsaken by waves of mirthless merriment

Across the room,

She ruminates of all the galaxies to feast on

Had she loved a little more.

 

Will she have peace

In her silent thoughts

Of absolutely silent nothings.

Haunted by a heartburn of undigested concoctions

Of loss,remorse and musings now

So morose.

 

For life is a cycle of moments,

More so gray when living through them

But evermore greener when looking at them,

Had she held a palette of colours and a paintbrush of wit,

To imbue yellow into the stones of blue

And stroke a right red

As the mightiest of hues.

 

 

Reflections

reflections

Where did my dear

I let go off you?

When did I leave

That rope

I had tied your heart to

My able, small hands?

In between the lines of our lives

To the lines that now lie

Beneath our eyes,

When did I lose you

While seeking lost treasures

In the kingdom beneath

The sea that held legends and gold

And ships and shells

As false as their

Tales of mermaids.

 

Will a note of love be good enough

Or a Sufi’s* blessing?

Bottled with the pearl of

My yearning,

Pushed across the sea

By the abr** sent by the

Gods above who have always

Loved me.

Will the pining heart of

A shy poet do?

Will the strength of a

Monk in reverence,

To let us be

Do?

There must be a map somewhere,

Hidden amidst rocks and thorns

In a cave swallowed by the

Shadows of phantoms of

Another world,

That will take us to

Jannat***

Far beyond our

Conscience,

Our grasp.

 

I will get on my saddle now,

I will ride my white beauty

Through the moonlit fields now,

Like a raging dacoit.

Silence torn by

Screams that will never be

Let out.

Before anybody else up above

Throws an irate sword of thunder

To plunge this night of

Our lives.

 

*mystic (Urdu)

**clouds (Urdu)

*** paradise (Urdu)

 

 

 

 

 

Home

A Long Road Ahead

It is a long way to home.

Home, where sometimes I know

no Home.

Well, what is a home

When the heart is

Always a nomad.

Somedays here, somedays there,

Somedays found and

Somedays lost.

The sun shined above the fields of heather for me

Today.

Maybe an invite

Wrapped in purple to lure

and call it a

Home?

*

My mind runs faster

Than my deformed feet.

*

My heart is still sunk

In the memories of

Yesterday’s winter.

The cold and dark

My motel for a long time.

They let go of me

Even the frost needs rent,

And I am penniless

With no dimes to rub or spend.

I am back with my old friend

The shadows from the alleys.

Together we lurk

Like the ghosts of a long lost legend,

Listening to the jingles and looking at the twinkles

Oggling at drunk wanton cherub faces of

Joyous December,

And remembering the warmth in the innards

Of our soul

That could vein in us

With hot boiled spirits.

*

I ran the entire length of spring,

Blooming buds of cherries and daffs and all.

Baby greens dotting the widowed trees,

A new promise laid in

The womb of time.

Branches singing together

With the mirth of mynahs.

 

Let this be where I breathe

In and out now.

This cloud and sun speckled ground

Where I dance the songs

Of lost dreams.

Lost,

With the youth of time.

 

But I still know

I am miles away from home.

And I still know,

I will return back to that motel

I once belonged.

 

 

 

 

The Pillage

the pillage

Darkness rummaged through darkness

Inside and out.

A star

Of fairytale myths,

Disguised the answer

With the cloak of

Peek-a-boo.

Together, I entered into

A room

That was never there.

Trying to fit my square peg

Into a ring.

My hand held vacuum,

My heart held a prayer,

Of strength, I don’t know of

Of salvation, I will never see.

Vacant promises of loneliness made

In the sanctuary of holy smoke.

And,

I abide by

These rules of

Pillaging again.

 

Lepers Lunch

LL

 

Yonder was a Wednesday noon,

The October sky,

Up high

Pastels of blue, pinks

And golden hues

She beamed up high,

A siren of the 50s.

 

Her jewel brewed brine from

A frail body of mine,

A body played by

Life and her wits

To bits of veil,

Bought for a better marriage.

 

The heat balmed my flesh,

Melancholy marred by monotony,

I saw the grey craters of a rising moon.

She, a faded pearl of the night,

Masking her golden nemesis of the sky

In beauty, worth, poetry and more.

 

I’ve walked down this murky path alone,

Several times before, several times after now.

A shack that was once a home,

With no more yellow canaries

To tweet me a goodbye.

 

My mind grumbled along

The stones on which I

Tumbled,

To balance my youthful body

I immure my soul of its own.

 

Oh! Longing for a downpour of rains

To wet my body, to whet my appetite.

To slip down the road

And dance away the pains,

To live on this earth

Over the moon!

As my muses knotted along the road

To twisted truths,

Of friends, strangers and ghosts;

Trying to keep my left

Yet, to be reminded

by honks and bonks and the dust in my conks.

To enact a life,

We chose to know

And chose to see,

I chanced upon this small brown man,

Frowned with age, bound with bondage

To a friend that

Slowly feasted on his flesh!

 

A midget of a man,

Seized at the corners by shun.

Neglect of love, neglect of fate,

Pulled down by the grimaces

Of a thousand faces

Known, unknown,loved and disliked,

That saw not beyond

A receding man in a yellow rag.

 

He looked like a wild cat

Out of the huge yellow box,

Fishing out a pack

Of unopened rice.

Rich man’s waste, a leper’s joy tonight.

 

And with the smile of a child

Whose eyes held delight

Like a novice to the fair,

He squat on the ground

Delirious with his find,

Nimbly guarding his small feast

With little worm nibbled knobs,

Which once held, stroked and played

Every face of love!

 

No more in his world was

You anymore than I,

Glutton gnawing in the glory.

Hands on rice,

Rot on hands,

The eyes that watched him

He uncalled for.

 

For he, who woke up to a sunrise and

Roamed the streets under this sky,

Unclad feet, uncared for

In the heat and cold alike.

Senseless.

Baseless.

Comfortably numb.

No random thoughts, to play on.

Nobody to own

And to be owned.

A stone for a bed

And the shadows of night

To blanket him.

 

I, a slave of my rants,

A queen of supposed laughters,

A loud woman who pitied none but me,

Heavily rimmed eyes

Now punched by a blinding light.

 

The sun finally rose in the daze of

An unsettled mind

to finally realise,
As it sank into the sky

Dropping a mirage of,

What is true?

What is false?

Seine

 

 

I stood by the banks of Seine,

Watching a million faces talking in

Smiles and lines of pain

Dwelling in hope,

 And losses lost in

Dreams.

 

I watch lovers kiss,

And lovers cry,

And lovers giving 

Life a try.

 

The breeze envelops me 

Like a strong man’s embrace,

And he whispers into

My nonchalant ears,

“Happiness tonight is measured 

Not in gold, nor in silver

Or signs or silk slivers.

She lies waiting,

In letters written,

With years and years of yearning

In the middle of time,

Hiding in the crevices of

Crackled spines, 

Mopping up their breath into

The fibres of dried pulp,

Like a lovers’ lips

Sealed in her nether heavens.

And broken dances ,

Strumming from the strings 

Of a vagabond ukulele.

Once a kid’s, once a nomad’s

Once a collector’s,

But forever someone’s.”

 

By the banks of Seine,

My friends and amors 

Dance and caress,

And drink the moist sweat

Of an evening they will remember 

The rest of their lives by.

 

The Wedding

Tonight she made an early arrival

Into the sky of a barely today.

For celebrating up above is

The grand procession of 

Giving a dear daughter away.

The Sun,

her father

Made his court dance in

Resplendant robes of

Golds and ivory plumes,

Ebbing, and flowing, and  joyously moving 

Towards the lovely bride of a moon!

She was veiled by one of their own,

Who

Was not in so much gloom, not in so much bliss.

She held her breath

Hard and high,

As she shroud

The face of her sister moon,

And in her bosom she felt 

The weight of the heart,

Of a nebula that was cursed to

Never explode,

When she was nothing but fathomed by darkness.

She once loved the man in his Night,

Dark, luminous and calamitous.

Every dark line in his iris

A playground for her million

Lovelorn games.

Undeclared kisses,

Destined to be wayward children

Of a wanton romance.

She wept and wrung her heart inside,

To bring a tear of redemption 

Into her eyes.

For the bride’s beauty tonight

Blushed the other woman’s

And every body’s sky

Into an eternal consent 

That never should be tried.

Veiled tonight though

By a doomed lover,

Will she someday 

Be swallowed by her man?